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MMA Ten: Not So Secret Edition

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Chicago’s MMA resident smart ass and all-around troll Don Abato returns from a lengthy hiatus for a long overdue MMA Ten.  The real reason it took so long is because he is just a lazy ass.  It’s ironic a certain piss test is rocking the MMA world considering Donnie enjoys pissing people off.

10. Worst Kept Secret:
Allistair Overeem used “something” to get that swollen?  No way.  I would like to “inject” that he got so big due to all the horse meat he likes to eat.   No doping there.

9.  Thinking Out Loud:
So this whole Overeem drug test thing has me wondering how long Josh Barnett will last if Dana White actually brings him back into the UFC.

8. Worst Kept Secret #2:
Overeem failed his random drug test but Roy Nelson passed his.  “Big Country” used the #nodoubts hashtag when boasting about passing on Twitter.  Hey Roy, there was no doubt you’d pass, but after seeing that beard we also don’t doubt you’re NOT using Just for Men.

7. There’s No MMA In NY But…:
There might be K1.  The struggling kickboxing organization says it will hold the finals of the World Grand Prix in New York City next December.  We’ll believe it when it happens.  Oh dear Santa Claus I know you’re not real, but I’m asking you anyway:  make this happen!  And while you’re at it, see if you can get the sport regulated in the Empire State already.

6. When Do You Move To SpikeTV Again?:
We’ve seen some really good fights during season six of the Bellator Fighting Championships.  I think my favor… oh wait there’s a “Martin” marathon on MTV2.

5.  Worst Kept Secret #3:
There’s widespread doping in mixed martial arts?  Naw, only a few people have been caught so it’s not that big of a problem.  By the way, I’m offering a special online program to earn an authentic BJJ black belt with traceable lineage to Helio Gracie himself.   I’m offering this special deal for a steal, just give me your credit card number and we’ll start your lessons.

4. Sorry Zoila, But Not Really:
The best female MMA fighter not named Rousey is returning to the Bellator cage.  Megumi Fujii is going to face Jessica Aguilar May 18th at Bellator 69.  Keepin’ real here, Fujii is the #2 p4p female(I know Zoila Gurgel notched a W against her but let’s not argue about that farce of a decision here) and even better she may partake in the 125 pound women’s tournament.   It’s ‘bout time Bjorn rolled out another women’s tourney, what the heck took so long.

3. Worst Kept Secret #4:
Miesha Tate’s ass.  It was never the first, second or third thing that popped up when doing a google image search with her name.  Plus, the media did a great job of keeping the booty pics out of their preview stories for the fight with Rousey.

2.  F5 Disaster Hits Miami:
I aint talkin’ ‘bout no tornado son, Brock Lesnar dropped an F5 finishing move on John Cena during “Monday Night Raw.”  Awesome!  All you Brock haters can suck it because I know you’re totally going to watch WWE now that Lesnar is back in pro wrestling.  Lesnar will be champ again and I’m willing to bet BJJ World Champion Rodrigo “Comprido” Medeiros will be ringside as his manager.  Death Clutch lives!

1. Worst Kept Secret #5:
Why Anderson Silva, those English courses you’ve been taking are really paying off.  You sound great in your Fox commercial.    You almost sound like a different man.  I expect to see you in some American Burger King commercials now that you’ve crossed the language barrier.

 

Don Abato is 14 years old and shares his thoughts from his bedroom computer.  He relishes the anonymity of the internet and enjoys arguing about MMA’s superiority to wing chun.  Once summer hits he’s totally starting Overeem’s training routine so he can start the new school year lookin’ all buff.   

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